10 Reasons I’m Not Following You Back on Twitter

Posted on June 30, 2011 by

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1. You haven’t uploaded any avatar. I can’t tell you from a bot. Or maybe your head really does look like a featureless egg. Either way’s a no.

2. You have uploaded an avatar — but it’s something creepy. Like a butt. *block*

3. You tweet only about your business. Or your cheating boyfriend. Or you tweet out mostly links and quotes. If you talk like this in real life, hey, more power to you. But I sure don’t need that in my already crowded news feed.

4. You repeatedly follow me and then unfollow and then follow again, apparently just to keep appearing at the top of my followers list.

Now repeat after me: “Stalk-er-azzi.”

*finger hovering over the “block” button*

5. You keep your Twitter timeline locked out of public view. I do kind of get it with this; I used to keep my Twitter timeline private too. But unless I know you IRL, I’m not going to follow you back unless I first know at least a little about you and what kind of madness you’re going to add to my Twitter feed.

6. You don’t engage. Why follow me, and why should I follow you, if you’re not interested in talking to/tweeting me? I don’t want to be just a statistic to boost your follower count, digital collateral, a notch in your cyber lipstick case. I’m on Twitter to build connections, get news, learn and grow. If you are too, that’s when I’ll follow you.

7. You already follow 81,562 other people. Please see reason No. 6.

8. We have nothing in common. You’re from a foreign country and tweet only in the native language there. Urdu is a beautiful language, of course, but I’m sorry, I don’t speak it. Or you’re from, say, Rhode Island (no offense against RI; it’s just far from Hawaii), and your bio reads something like, “Ganja cultivation and paper clip collections rock my world.” I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic, or serious. Either way, not feeling the connection, you know?

9. You have no bio or location on your profile page.

10. You have written a bio but …  it reveals nothing about you. Or it’s got curse words. Or it’s written in uPpEr AnD lOWErcaSe. Or it’s got “bitches” in it. *block again*

Did I miss anything? …